To everyone who takes things for granted...

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 03:44:29 GMT

There's always that one person in your life that makes a difference on how you act and feel about everything around you. But usually that's for the good... right? I guess you could say for me, it's for the worst. There's probably three people in this world, I'd really give anything for, regardless if they hate me or not. Kelly, Judy, and Matthew. Let's start with kelly. Kelly is my best friend, she is practically, always there for me even when she can't tolerate me now. But I mean, who can tolerate me? I'm glad I met her, honestly. She's made a impact on my life no one else could. That brings me to Judy. Judy makes me laugh hysterically until the point I want to piss myself. She's always there for me and what I love about her is, is that she tells it to me straight, whether it's the truth I want to hear or not. i'm glad I met her.. that's one thing GABE ACTUALLY DID GOOD FOR ONCE, buy a ventrilo server.

And to.. Matthew. Whether he realized it or not, he was one of my best friends. I would be so excited to talk to him when I get home everyday, even during school, actually. we had the BEST conversations in the world. He made me laugh all the time on ventrilo and we'd always be doing things together.. from going on Ryan's Habbo Retro server to playing multiple games of Monopoly till he won, HAHA. matthew was one of the only people who could tell when I sad or mad, and that's another thing I loved about him. Lol, I remember the time gabe was drunk on the phone with me, and he was begging me for phone sex, and Matthew was on mute listening. Good memory, I must say. LOL!! I used to always make fun of him and call him gay with Fred, and he would get so mad when I would make fun of football because I hate it so much. But I did stay up until 4 am talking to him because he was so excited about the Drafts for this year, I even watched it with him the next day. Just because I was a good friend. That's all I wanted from him from the start but I guess people can't always get what they want. Feelings get in the way. Matthew was one of the people I never really fought with and if we did, it was about something pointless we got over in like, 2 minutes. Hahaha, we used to play Snowstorm every time it was free, once a week and I would buy him hundreds of coins, just so we could bait eachother. I spent hours and ours working on a gothic house just so it would have gotten banned the next day, just for him. LMFAOOOO, I remember the night we stayed up late listening to like, these girls talk about how much they masturbated and how they didn't like their cats watching them. I made him change the station so many times. LOL, aww. We got a starving dutch child, he was so mean to it. LOL!!! I loved watching it grow up starving. HAHAHA, I made him chew so many pieces of gum on webcam once. IT WAS SUCH A FUNNY SIGHT. Sigh, he was so funny.

But, people make mistakes. I regret doing whatever I did to him, and I would do anything in my power to try and get him back as my friend, but I guess I've failed, yet again. I guess it's so hard to ask for someone just as great as him to stay my friend. But you know what? I'm grateful for being his friend for this long. I loved being his friend. I guess I have those memories (some I mentioned above) to think of him as. I guess I'm just a pathetic teenager who can't always get what she wants. But.. I did get what I want. But I also get what I deserve now. I deserve getting made fun of constantly, mocked about all of it on Ventrilo, I've learned to cope with the immaturity but, I've tried so hard to let him go, I know he hates me and he doesn't care at all about how I feel. I can deal with that. I'd give anything to start over again, like I said earlier. But I guess this is the time, to actually let him go... nothing lasts forever. Friendships never last. But even though you'll probably not read this, Matthew... I want you to know... I'm sorry... and the Mountain Dew slushie was sour; I'll never drink it again... and the Juicy Fruit gum was very blah tasting.

So here's a lesson for all you people who take things for granted. Be grateful for what you have and don't become too attached to someone who's just going to fade away. I've learned my lesson from what I am now.I'm never getting as close to anyone as I did to him. Look at me.. I'm a wreck over someone on the internet.Go ahead, call me pathetic, I hear it everyday. "OH HE'S SO GAY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM" "DUDE, HE'S THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER, HE'S NEVER GOING TO AMOUNT TO ANYTHING" I don't care what you idiots have to say about him. Even though he hates me, I still have complete respect for him, I tolerate when he makes fun of me, I tolerate the jokes I get on Ventrilo.. but if there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's ignorant, mindless fools who didn't know anything about mine and Matthew's friendship.. not relationship. That's just another ignorant comment I get everyday. But call me pathetic for caring this much about someone on the internet.. Actually, that shouldn't matter at all. He's still a person. A wonderful friend. A horrible Monopoly player :). He was still Matthew Emo Duck Delilah :* *: Hahaha, I still remember the night I was making fun of him and Fred " :* *: " Just a lesson: All good things come to an end. I guess this is just ANOTHER attempt at letting him go... I need to do this. I needed to write this. I need to let him go this time.. can't keep hoping for something that's never going to happen again. Looking back on the memories, I HAD THE GREATEST FRIEND, ever. At least I still have Kelly and Judy and all of my friends, I love you guys. Especially... (Sam, Bre, Bree, Katie, Alicia, Tony, Logan, Lesley, Brock, Rachel, Tayler, etc.)

Remember; this is not an attempt for you all to feel bad for me. I just want you to kind of know how I feel. And why I miss him so much.

under your stars tonight,

To everyone who takes things for granted...